Don’t Give Me That Attitude!
24 Rude, Selfish, Insensitive Things Kids Do and How to Stop Them
Dr. Michele Borba, can offer insight and a wealth of practical tips for the following topics and more.
To schedule an interview with Michele Borba or to receive a review copy of Don’t Give Me That Attitude! call 760-323-5387 or email her at michele@micheleborba.com


Segment Ideas

• Does your child need an attitude makeover? Could your little cherub be the next poster child for “most spoiled?” The signs to watch for and the steps to turn that bad attitude around. Read Detailed Description
  
  
• “The Big Brat Factor” The latest data clearly shows we have an epidemic of spoiled kids, but why? Learn the data that proves it, the top 10 reasons why, and how to stop this troubling trend. Read Detailed Description
  
  
• The seven deadliest discipline mistakes and how to avoid them. The biggest reasons discipline doesn’t change kids’ bad attitudes—and what to do so it does. Read Detailed Description
  
  
• Ridding kiddies of the “gimmes:” A four-step cure for greediness. 2 in 3 parents say their kids measure self-worth based on the amount of possessions owned. How’s your kid doing? Read Detailed Description
  
  
• “Why not, everybody else does?” Stopping the kid cheating epidemic. 3 in 4 high school students admit to cheating—and see nothing wrong with it. Stopping this troubling youth trend. Read Detailed Description
  
  
• Little manipulators: Ending your kid’s “blame game” pass-the-buck tactics. Recognizing the tactics, so you’ll never be used as a pawn in your kid’s manipulative games. Read Detailed Description
  
  
• Curbing bad-tempers: Sure-fire tips that keep the lid on kids’ anger. Timely anger management tips that are simple to learn. Six tips for cooling kids of bad-tempered attitudes. Read Detailed Description
  
  
• Narrow-mindness! Kids are displaying intolerant actions at alarming rates and at younger ages. Prejudices are learned: so here’s how to help kid unlearn this deadly attitude. Read Detailed Description
  
  
• “Not my kid!” What to do if your little darling is the bully or turning into Miss Cruela De Vil? Read Detailed Description
  
  

Plus:

• “How much will you give me?” Getting your kid to join the human race. Is your kid lazy, irresponsible, and uncooperative. Is he stuck in the family with the remote control wired to his fingers and his chore chart is fading away on the refrigerator door? Solutions to home battles.
  
  
• “The coach sucks!” Curing bad sportsman-like attitudes. Umpires and parents agree: too many kids these days are poor losers both on and off the field. Steps parents must take.
  
  
• “Ma, he’s pickin' on me!” What to do when your kid is bullied and teased. Simple strategies to help kids stand up to their tormentors and teasers and not be victimized.
  
  
• “What’s the point?” Turning pessimistic kids into optimistic thinkers. Cynicism, pessimism, negative thinking: it’s on the rise with kids today. What parents really can do.
  
  
  

Dr. Borba has presented her wise, witty, practical advice to over 750,000 parents and teachers. A seasoned speaker, she is a frequent guest on national TV and NPR shows including the Today Show, The View, Fox & Friends, Canada AM, and in print: Chicago Tribune, Family Circle, US News & World Report, Redbook. Borba is author of over 18 books, advisor to Parents magazine and recipient of the National Educator Award.

To schedule an interview with Michele Borba or to receive a review copy of Don’t Give Me That Attitude! call 760-323-5387 or email her at michele@micheleborba.com





Does Your Child Have “An Attitude?”

• Do you wonder if he could be the next poster child for “most spoiled?”
  
• Does he never take no for an answer and demand things go his way?
  
• Do her theatrics leave you drained at the end of the day?
  
• Are you restoring to bribes to get your kid to do his chores?
  
• Does he feel “entitled” to get everything he wants and rule the roost?
  
• Does he cheat, complain, or blame others for his problems?
  
• Is it just too much trouble to get her to help with household chores?
  
• Do you feel you're running a hotel instead of a home?
  
• Are you starting to feel like your child's personal ATM machine?
  

Then it’s time for a makeover! Dr. Michele Borba, author of Don’t give Me That Attitude!, (Jossey-Bass) says bad attitudes can be changed if parents remember ten basic principles.

Most attitudes…

1. Decide to change. Kids aren’t born materialistic: the behavior is learned. So if you find your kid has a bad case of the “gimmes”: it’s time for a makeover!
   
2. Say no and don’t give in. The average kid nags nine times to get a product; and half the parents finally give in. So don’t! Explain the policy to your kids, and then pass it onto relatives. Ask they buy less and put money into kids’ education fund. Stick to the plan, and do so without guilt.
   
3. Teach money management. Studies find that many kids today are wasteful with money so unless you plan to keep giving your kid an allowance when he’s forty, teach them to manage money.
   
   • Emphasize saving. Buy a piggy bank for a younger kid to save coins. Make a rule that it must be filled before spending. (Baby food jars are great for little tykes)
     
   • Teach prioritizing. Insist that your child write (or draw) down purchases “wishes” and post it for a few days before buying
     
   • Teach financial planning. Help your child with a savings checking account.
     
4. Require Kids to Give. The best way to curb kids’ greediness is requiring that they give to others.
   
   • Embark on a family generosity project. Bake a turkey for a needy family; bake cookies for a lonely neighbor; deliver used toys to the fire department.
     
   • Make gifts. Set rule: one gift must be homemade: cookies, a letter, a scrapbook
     
   • Involve everyone. Don’t do the charity alone: involve your kids in the experience.
     

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Bad Attitude Makeover 16: Manipulative
Little Manipulators: No More Excuses, Guilt, or Pass-the-Buck Tactics
For manipulation to succeed, another person must believe the fib, his make-believe helplessness, write his excuse, accept the blame, buy-into the guilt, or just plain wear your down. So take a solid vow that you never be used as a pawn in your child’s games. Manipulation: Bad Attitude 16.

1. Recognize your kid’s manipulative tactics so you can spot it. Which tactic does your kid use to get his way? Lies: “I did it already.” Plays one adult off the other. “Mom said it was okay.” Makes excuses. “The teacher didn’t tell me.” Uses charm. “I love you so much.” Spot it and then tell other caregivers.
   
2. Get to the real purpose of the attitude so you can stop your kid and not be swayed. The two reasons kid manipulate are to escape from something unpleasant or because they’re just plain selfish and manipulates others to get what they wants.
   
3. Let your kid know you’re onto him. Confront him with the deception and your theory as to why he is using it. Use a calm, firm voice, and stick to facts. “You pull a tantrum when you’re in a store. Throwing a fit will not get you what you want.”
   
4. Use a “no excuse” policy. Help your child face her fears, not avoid them through manipulation; if she’s capable of the task and the expectation is fair, then do not give in. Insist that she face her fears.
   
5. Set a consequence that enforces honesty and ethics. Effective consequences are enforced immediately, fit the crime, and right the kid’s wrong. So if your kid takes something, he returns it. If she breaks something, she pays. If he cheats, he admits his wrongdoing. If he doesn’t get it at first he will eventually because you will continue to hold him accountable.
   

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Bad Attitude Makeover 3: Bad-Tempered
Six Tips for Cooling Kids of Those Bad-Tempered Attitudes
Anger management is teachable. Here are six tips Dr. Borba can share for Bad-Tempered: Bad Attitude 3.

1. Commit to raising a self-controlled kid. Research finds that parents who feel strongly about their kids showing self-restraint succeed because they committed themselves to that effort. So commit!
   
2. Model coolness. One essential question parents should ask nightly is: “If my kid had only my behavior to watch, what would he have seen today?” Self-control is learned and starts at home.
   
3. Set a rule: “Talk only when calm.” Refuse to talk to your kid until you and your kid are calm. If needed, lock yourself in the bathroom. Enforce a rule to “EXIT” (or walk away) until calm.
   
4. Identify stress signs. We all have unique physiological stress signs warning us we’re getting angry: flushed cheeks, rapid breathing, dry mouth. Recognize your child’s signs and help him identify them.
   
5. Teach your child healthy ways to control that bad temper. Here are a few options:
   
   • Use self-talk. Teach him an affirmation: a simple, positive message he says to himself in stressful situations. For example: “Stop and calm down,” “Stay in control,” “I can handle this.”
     
   • Tear anger away. Tell your child to draw or write what is upsetting him on a piece of paper. Then tear it into little pieces and “throw the anger away.”
     
   • 1 + 3 + 10. As soon as you feel you’re losing control: 1. Tell yourself: ‘Be calm.’ 2. Take three deep, slow breaths. 3. Count slowly to 10. Together it’s 1 + 3 + 10.
     
   • Abdominal breath control. Inhale slowly to a count of five, pause two counts, slowly breathe out, again counting to five. Repeating the sequence creates maximum relaxation, and reduces stress.
     
6. Use the “Rule of 21.” The trick is to find a strategy that matches each kid’s unique temperament and comfort level. It will only become a habit if it is practiced until automatic and usually that’s 21 days!
   

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Bad Attitude Makeover 4: Cheating
“Why not, everybody else does?” Stopping the Kid Cheating Epidemic
The Ethics of American Youth 2002 survey discovered that three of four high school students admitted to cheating on at least one test during the previous year, and 37% admitted they would lie in order to get a good job. But this attitude doesn’t start in high school. Here are tips to curb Cheating: Bad Attitude 4.

1. Walk the talk. Talk the walk. Don’t expect your child to be honest if you aren’t. Talk the walk.
   
2. Talk about why cheating is wrong. Don’t assume you kid understands why cheating is immoral. Be clear about your own moral beliefs and pass them to your kid. Tell your kid a recent moral choice you’ve made; read stories from the Bible; provide good heroes heroines from history.
   
3. Acknowledge honesty. Let your child know again and again how much you appreciate their truthfulness and honest efforts.
   
4. Emphasize long-term consequences. Talk about the negative results of cheating and dishonesty: lose trust, hurts people, immoral, can get you in trouble, causes a bad reputation. Discuss integrity.
   
5. Call cheating on the spot. If your goal is to raise an honest kid, they you must respond. Don’t overact, but simply tell what you saw or heard. It’s best to cite your observations privately and keep your focus on the attitude. “Moving the ball is cheating.” Then tell your kid you expect honesty.
   
6. Set a consequence for repeat cheating. What really matters more: my kid’s grade or his moral development. Excusing, dismissing, or ignoring your kid’s cheating is the same as giving it your approval. So don’t approve it. If your young child is cheating, stop the game. A plagiarized report should be redone. Sincere apologies should be required.
   
7. Teach ways to buck the pressure to cheat. Peer pressure is huge, so your child will need more than just a talk to say no. Tell him how to say no. Here are four strategies:
   
   • Assert yourself with confidence: Use strong body posture to stand up for your beliefs.
     
   • Say no firmly. Use a friendly but determined voice, then not give in.
     
   • Repeat your decision. It’s sometimes helpful to sound like a broken record.
     
   • Tell reasons why. Doing so will help strengthen your child’s convictions.
     

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Bad Attitude Makeover 17: Narrow-Minded
How to Stop Kids’ Narrow-Minded Attitudes and Nurture Tolerance
Figures show that American youth are displaying intolerant actions at alarming rates-and at younger and younger ages. Dr. Michele Borba, an internationally-renowned educator, emphasizes that children are not born hateful: prejudices are learned, and stresses to parents they must curb their kids narrow-mindedness because before it leads to prejudice Here are tips for curbing Bad Attitude17: Narrow-Mindedness.

1. Confront your own narrow-mindedness. The first step to nurturing tolerance is to examine your own prejudices, Then make a conscious attempt to temper them so you don’t pass them on.
   
2. Commit to raising a tolerant child. Once your child knows your expectations, he will be more likely to embrace your principles.
   
3. Refuse to allow discriminatory comments. When you hear such comments verbalize your displeasure: “That's disrespectful and I won’t allow such things to be said in my house." Your child needs to hear your discomfort so that she knows you really walk your talk.
   
4. Embrace diversity. From the time your child is very young, expose him to positive images that represent a variety of ethnic groups. The more your child sees how you embrace diversity, the more prone he'll be to follow your standards.
   
5. Emphasize similarities. Any time your child points out how she is different from someone, you might say. “There are lots of ways you are different. Now let’s try to think of ways you are the same.” Help her see how similarities outweigh differences.
   
6. Squelch stereotypical messages. Help your family tune into the way they talk about other people or groups and listen for any sweeping categorical such as “You always…,” “They never…,” or “They’re all…” Chances are that what follows is a stereotype. Whenever someone in the family makes such a sweeping statement, another family member should gently remind the speaker, “Verify.” Child: Asian kids always get good grades. Parent: Verify! Do you think that’s true for every Asian child?
   
7. Counter discriminatory beliefs. Find out why he feels the way he does, and then challenge his prejudicial feelings by providing a different interpretation. If your child says, “Homeless people should buy houses.” Counter: “There’s many reasons they people don’t have houses. Some of them are ill or can’t find jobs. Houses cost money, and not everyone can pay for a house or an apartment.”
   
8. Live your life as an example of tolerance. The best way for your child to learn tolerance is for him to watch and listen to your daily example. Make sure you are walking your talk.
   

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Seven Essential Secrets to Stopping Bad Attitudes
Can you stop your kid’s manipulative, self-centered, rude ways and change their annoying, bad attitudes? “Yes!” says parenting expert, Dr. Michele Borba and author of Don’t Give Me That Attitude! “Attitudes are learned,” Borba says, “so they can be unlearned and stopped--if parents use a few simple behavior principles.” The leading child expert offers parents this life changing advice:

1. PICK a problem. Start by choosing a reoccurring kid attitude, but make sure it’s something you can change. For instance: Her guaranteed meltdown at grandmas. Her selfish sense of “entitlement.” His annoying attention-getting whine. Then pick one—no more than two—problems to work on at a time.
   
2. Think POSITIVE. Your goal is to change your kid’s attitude – so you need to see the outcome. So think positively: Not “My family will stop yelling,” but “We’ll use all talk calmer.” If you think positively you’ll be more likely to stick to your goal because you’ll see what the new attitude outcome looks like.
   
3. Make a realistic PLAN. What have you been doing so far that hasn’t worked? So what will you do instead? For instance: Your kid uses a whiney voice to get her way. So far, you give in. Your new plan: You will not respond to any whiney voice. Keep in mind: the more specific and realistic the plan, the more likely the change.
   
4. Break plan into manageable PARTS. Set your goal into smaller more manageable parts. Not only will you keep trying with your makeover but you’ll also be more likely to change the kid’s bad attitude.
   
5. PASS plan to other caregivers. Sharing the plan with caregivers (teacher, coach, grandma) gets everyone on board so change is faster. Your kid will also know you are really serious. “If you hit, you will go to time out.” “We won’t listen to a sassy voice.
   
6. Chart your PROGRESS. Change occurs slowly, so you can lose sight of progress and think your plan isn’t working. So track the behavior each day--sassing, whining, hitting—on a calendar. If the plan is good, you’ll gradually see the annoying behavior diminish and recognize change is happens.
   
7. PERSIST at least 21 days. New behavior habits take a minimum of 21 days to change. So keep with your plan at least 21 days. Then celebrate your success--it will happen so don’t give up!
   

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The 7 Biggest Discipline Mistakes: A Primer for Puzzled Parents
You may be surprised to discover what you’re doing wrong

So you’re trying to make your child quit being so darn flippant—or lying or cheating or defying you, and you’re having little success. You’ve tried threatening, scolding and even begging, but nothing seems to work. Frankly, you’re at your wit’s end. How can you ensure that your child stops his bad attitude for good? According to consultant, educator, and author Dr. Michele Borba, the first thing you must do is re-think your approach to discipline.

“Attitudes are learned, so they can be unlearned,” says Borba, whose new book Don’t Give Me that Attitude: 24 Selfish, Rude, Insensitive Things Kids Do and How to Stop Them (Jossey-Bass: a Wiley imprint; April, 2004; $14.95/paper) addresses this very subject. “Parents need a specific makeover plan designed to half their kids’ bad attitude, and my book provides that. But before you can implement such a plan, you must first understand what you’re doing wrong—and why it’s wrong.

Some of the most common mistakes made by parents, according to Borba:

1. Thinking “It’s just a phase.” Bad attitudes don’t go away. They almost always need parental intervention. The longer parents wait, the more likely the attitude will become a habit. So don’t call it a phase: stop it as soon as it starts.
   
2. Being a poor model. Our behavior has an enormous influence on our kids’ behavior. After all, what they see is what they copy. So before parents start planning to change their kid’s attitude, they need to take a serious look at their own.
   
3. Not targeting the bad attitude. It’s best to work on improving only one—and never more than two—attitudes at a time. And the more specific the plan the better. Don’t say, “He has an attitude.” Instead, narrow the focus to target the specific behavior you want to eliminate: “He’s talking back.” And makeover will be more successful.
   
4. No plan to stop the bad attitude. Once parents have identified the bad attitude, they need a solid makeover plan to stop it. The plan must (1) address the kid’s bad attitude, (2) state exactly how to correct it, (3) identify the new virtue to replace it, and (4) set consequence if the attitude continues.
   
5. Not teaching a new virtue to replace it. No attitude will change permanently unless the child is taught a new one to replace it. Think about it: if you tell a kid to stop doing one attitude, what will he do instead? Without a substitute virtue, chances are the child will revert to using the old bad attitude.
   
6. Going alone. Big mistake! After all if your kid is using the bad attitude on other caregivers—be it spouse, grandparents, teachers, day care providers, coaches, scout leaders, babysitters—then use the same makeover plan together. The more you work together, the quicker you’ll be in stopping the bad attitude.
   
7. Not sticking to the plan long enough. Learning new attitude habits generally takes a minimum of 21 days of repetition. Parents need to commit to changing the bad attitude and then continue using the plan for at least three weeks. Only then will they see change.
   
   

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