Press Release 

For Immediate Release
Contact: Adrienne Biggs
(415) 782 3213 or abiggs@jbp.com

How to Raise Moral Kids Who Do the Right Thing
Nine Steps To Help Kids Act Right in Morally Troubling Times

A brilliant book to prevent violence from the inside with moral values that would make cruel, selfish and destructive behavior unthinkable options for kids. æJane Bluestein, author, Creating Emotionally Safe Schools

Palm Springs, CA (July 2001) - The close of America’s twentieth century could well have been called the “Decade of Moral Erosion.” School shootings, horrific violence, and scandals involving top government officials led headlines. The Internet became scarier: new sites included hate groups, Satanism, terrorism, pornography, gun sales, and bomb-making instructions. Television featured more casual sex, materialism, vulgarity, cynicism, and dysfunctional behavior; video games became even cruder; music lyrics or rock groups were ruder; movies were often steamier and always more violent. Religious leaders, educators, the medical community and parents alike voiced concerns on how onslaught of conflicting immoral messages was impacting today's kids' moral development.

What can parents do to counter the assault and still raise moral kids? A timely new book, Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing (Jossey-Bass Publishers, July 2001, ISBN 078795371; 800-956-7739) offers answers. Author, Dr. Michele Borba, an educational consultant, says the best way to help kids overcome negative pressures and act right even in these morally troubling time is to boost their Moral IQ. It's a solution she says parents are not doing enough, and it's clearly revealed in data showing a steady decline in kids' moral behaviors. Borba explains: "Moral intelligence is a marvelous capacity that helps kids understand right from right and act morally. It's the whole foundation to our children's ethical behavior and character." And she says the best news, is that parents can teach traits of moral intelligence-such as empathy, conscience, self-control, respect, kindness-to their children and they can begin doing so when they are young. Her timely new book, Building Moral Intelligence offers dozens of simple research-based strategies that teach kids the critical moral behaviors they must have to act morallyæwith or without their parents' guidance. Here are nine simple parenting practices excerpted from Building Moral Intelligence that boost kids' Moral IQs.

Step 1. Identify the virtues you want most for your child. Research finds that parents who have clear moral convictions are more likely to raise good kids because they've thought through their moral beliefs and prioritize them in their daily living. And because they do, their kids are more likely to adopt their parents' moral beliefs as their own. So begin by making a list of virtues you want most for your child to develop; then narrow them down to four to eight virtues you want your child to develop most. Number your choices in the order you want to teach them and then write them in your calendar or daily planner. It will remind you to include them in your daily family life just as you would your other plans.

Step 2. Accentuate a virtue each month. Research says it takes at least three weeks to learn a new behavior, and the same premise applies to cementing good moral habits. So select a virtue each month and commit a few minutes each day to helping your child learn it. Write the virtue in huge letters across the top of a monthly calendar to remind your family of your selection, then accentuate it daily.

Step 3. Expect your child to behave morally. Experts find that parents who raise moral kids expect their kids to act morally-even demand that they do. Chances are that the kids will, simply because their parents require that they do. Once your moral expectations are set, you must stick to them and not back down. Many parents post the basic virtuous behaviors they expect in their homes. Here are a few examples of moral expectations that other families count on all members to follow: Honesty: Everyone in our family is always expected to be honest with one another. Peacefulness: In this family, we talk calmly to one another, listen respectfully, and try to solve our problems peacefully.

Step 4. Tune up the virtue in your own behavior. By watching your choices and reactions and hearing your casual comments, your kids learn moral standards. So make sure the moral behaviors your kids are picking up on are ones that you want your kids to copy. Tune up those moral behaviors in your own daily examples. One of the greatest questions to ask yourself at the end of each day is: “If I were the only example my child has from whom to learn right from wrong, what would she have learned today?”

Step 5. Describe the value and meaning of the virtue. Speaking frequently to your child about moral beliefs is called direct moral teaching, and studies find that parents who raise ethical kids do it a lot. Make sure you use that principle to help your child know exactly what the virtue means and why it is important to learn. The trick is to be sure to explain the virtue in a way that is in keeping with your child’s realm of understanding and never to assume he understands your meaning. Here are three simple ways parents describe the meaning and value of virtues to their kids:

• Hold virtue talks. Deliberately set aside time to talk with your child about the chosen virtue and describe why it’s important. You might even show a family video addressing the trait (Pinocchio for conscience, Rudy for perseverance, Charlotte’s Web for caring).
• Hold family virtue read-alouds. Choose a literature selection that embodies the virtue—such as The Rainbow Fish for fairness or Molly’s Pilgrim for tolerance-and use it as a springboard for describing why the virtue is so valuable. As you read, ask your child, “How did the characters display the virtue? How did the others feel when he acted honestly, fairly, kindly, and so on?”
• Find articles featuring the virtue. Look through the newspaper or watch the nightly news deliberately searching for examples of real people demonstrating the virtue. Some families cut out news articles and share them during dinner. You might pin them to a bulletin board.
  

Step 6. Teach specific behaviors of the virtue. Telling children about a virtue is never as powerful as showing them what it looks and sounds like. The key point is to make sure the child knows exact ways she can display the virtue. Some families create a list describing the kinds of things people do to display the virtue then display it. For truthfulness you might write: giving back extra change, keeping a promise, telling the truth, admitting a mistake, and not copying someone’s work. Younger kids can make a collage showing examples of the virtue using magazine pictures and drawings.

Step 7. Reinforce your child's virtuous behaviors. Look for those unplanned daily moments and use them to reinforce the virtue. Use everything from family squabbles (“Remember, we’re trying to be more peaceful this month. How can you say what’s bugging you without making your sister mad?") to trips to the mall (“Let’s be on the lookout for people who do kind things"). The key is to catch your child acting morally and acknowledge her virtuous behavior by describing what she did right and why you appreciate it: “That was being peaceful. You used your words and not your fists.”

Step 8. Find opportunities for your child to practice the virtue. The critical last step is to find ways for your child to incorporate the virtue in her daily living. Some families take a few minutes each night at the dinner table to share how they experienced the virtue during their day. You might start a session about kindness by asking, “What kind things did you do for someone today?” “How did you think it made that person feel?” Children can record their virtue progress by writing in a notebook each day what one thing they did that day to demonstrate the trait. Younger children might use a large monthly calendar to mark a happy face on the dates they practiced the behavior.

Step 9. Find ways to help your child practice using the virtue in the world. Kids don’t learn how to act morally from reading about it in a textbook but from doing moral deeds. Look for ways for your child to display the virtue deeds, not just in your home but also in your community. Examples for kindness might be: taking extra toys to a children's ward in a hospital, working at a soup kitchen, planting flowers at a shelter, or reading to the elderly. The more your child experiences the miracles of when young, the greater the likelihood that she will make moral behaviors a habit for life.

---

About the Author: Michele Borba, Ed.D. a former classroom teacher, is an internationally renowned consultant and educator who has presented workshops to over half a million participants. She is the recipient of the National Educator Award and the author of eighteen books including Parents Do Make A Difference (Jossey-Bass) which was named by Child Magazine as an "outstanding parenting book of the year." She is a frequent guest expert on television and National Public Ratio talk shows including The view, ABC Home Show, The Parent Table, and is quoted in numerous national publications. She lives in Palm Springs, California with her husband and three teenage sons. Information on her publications and seminars can be accessed through her Web site, www.moralintelligence.com.

© 2001 by Michele Borba. Please contact for permission to reprint.